Vegans are idiots

T is now a Webelo 2. His crossover picnic camp out was this weekend. Not this weekend

The cookout was great. 200 people, 5 guys rotating on the grill, hanging out, talking, feeding the masses.

The 'dogs were a little late arriving, so we threw the burgers on early. Since we were feeding an army, we went a little cheap on the burgers. I'm pretty sure they were 54% lean.

We were going great, fighting flames six inches above the grill itself, and moving those burgers right along. Pretty much no complaints, we kept burgers coming as the line went by, no bottleneck. We had the dogs on one grill, the meat disks on the other.

Our grill

Until, that one asshole who shows up at the party. You know the one. The birdlike woman with a hair across her ass. She had a vaccuum pack of hot dogs in one hand, and some very suspicious looking burgers in the other.

"Excuse me, can you put these on the grill?"

My supressed reply was "Get the hell outta my kitchen" The actual one was "Watcha got there?"

"Turkey dogs"

Okay. I'm fine with that. Could be a Kosher thing. I can respect that.

"Yeah, give them to Mr. Ken, he'll squeeze them on."

"Aaaand, could you cook these for me?"

Now, at home, I will cook vegetables on the grill. Real veggies. Asparagus. Peppers. Onions. I'm gonna try artichoke sometime soon. But, she hands me a Boca Burger. I'd sooner cook a turd. I smile. I look at her. I ask, knowingly, "Boca Burger" She squares her shoulders, and says "Yes, of course. Can it be medium?"

At this point, I glance at the flames, which were still way, way beyond any point Denis Leary would consider safe, and say, "Hell yes, glad to do it for you" What I don't say is that her precious boca burger is about to be baptised in gallons of flaming beef suet.

The soy scab came off the grill a few minutes later, and I swear, she said it was great.

I have an omelette for her next.